The Beginning of the Chemo Shoes

It was the first day and, as expected, I was a little anxious.  I didn’t know what it was going to feel like…what I would feel like.  Was I going to get sick?  Was it going to hurt?  I mean I had never had chemo before so of course I had convinced myself it was going to feel like acid flowing through my veins.  Not to mention my intense fear of needles.  Looking back…I think it’s safe to say I was scared.  Really scared.

When we showed up at the cancer center we were quite the sight.  There were four of us…all with several bags packed full of snacks and games and cozy things.  And of course…Starbucks.  They called us into the infusion room and they so graciously let us take up half the room.  I sat there waiting for what I knew was my impending doom.  As it got closer and closer I felt like my chest was going to cave in.  I couldn’t decide if I wanted to run away or tell them to hurry it up so I could get it over with.  Finally…it started.  I squeezed my eyes shut waiting for that intense pain I had dreamt up in my head.  But nothing.  As I sat there waiting for it (because there was no way this was going to be painless)…my best friend, Sidne, pulled a wrapped box out of her bag and handed it to me.  A present?!?!  For me?!?!  I never thought about the idea of getting presents for starting chemo…had I known this little fact I may not have been so anxious.  

I immediately opened the box and inside were a pair of 5-inch, bright blue, glittery, spike-covered high heels.  And when I say spikes…I mean it.  Those things were dangerous.  I immediately put them on and from that moment forward…those became my chemo shoes.  I wore them to every single treatment because those shoes could kick some serious a$$.  Before long my chemo shoes became the talk of the cancer center…but above everything else they were my little piece of happiness.  It was the one thing I looked forward to on every chemo day.  Because in those shoes I was indestructible.  When everything else was being taken away from me...they were giving me something back.  They made me feel fierce and strong and were the best gift I could have ever received.  I knew those shoes were going to kick cancer’s butt…and that is exactly what they did.

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I know that everyone is facing something scary.  Something unknown that makes you want to run full speed in the other direction.  But I believe that we all have a pair of chemo shoes somewhere inside us.  That little something that makes you feel like you can do anything.  That no matter what…you’ve got this.  I think sometimes…those shoes get buried in the back of the closet and get forgotten about all together.  But what if you took just a little extra time to dig them out…brush them off…and put them on??  You could be unstoppable.  So the next time you’ve convinced yourself that something is too big.  Or too scary.  That pain is inevitable…put on those blue, spiky heels.  Because I promise you…I’m living proof that in the right pair of shoes, you can do anything.

xo, Lauren